Ugh. Not Getting Anywhere

Okay, so I've been AWOL for the past few days.  A week, as it turns out.  Well, I have been very tired.  It made sense to me over the weekend, as I went up north to get the kids on Friday and didn't get home until 1:00am.  The rest of the weekend was a blur.  Oldest daughter broke her wrist on Tuesday.  Packing the kids again for camp next week on Wednesday night because Thursday, Friday and Saturday are full days.  Yikes!
Well, Monday's weigh-in, had I posted here, was 148.1 and nothing has changed.  I have tried to get my eating reined in, and I seem to do well until the evening, or my emotions are running so high that all I can think to do is eat.  I did great through the day today, and then someone left a loaf of fresh bread on the counter beside the butter, and I had to eat a few slices.  Brutal.  There is no way I'm going to be ready for a triathlon in September at this rate!!
My chiropractor friend gave me a tube of progesterone cream that she wasn't using, and I have been using it twice a day for five or six days.  I don't know if it is making a difference, but here it is 9:20pm and I just want to go to bed.  I have been sleeping very well, but we haven't gotten up once to go to the Y.  Just too tired in the mornings.  We are definitely not in a good routine.
I am not in a great space in my head.  I feel fat and lazy.  Undisciplined.  I am really hoping things turn around soon.  How?  That is the big question.
Yuck.

A Pretty Ordinary Day

I can't say that today was either great or not great.  I did have a good day for the most part, but my emotions seemed to get the better of me tonight.  It was a much cooler day, and I was able to get a lot done around the house -- the kids' rooms are ready for them to come home tomorrow.  I'm ready for them to come home tomorrow too!  It will be so good to see them!  Tonight, however, I just couldn't seem to handle some of the stresses in my life.  It manifested itself mostly in frustration directed towards my husband.  Not really anger, and there were no tears, just calm (for the most part) expressions of frustration.  Certainly not edifying for him.  I can't say I feel very good about it either.  I'm on Day 16 of my cycle.  This time last month, I was spotting.  So far, there is no sign that my period is imminent.

I moved to the couch in the night because the dog was driving me crazy, and Steve snoozed the alarm so many times this morning that we missed the Y.  Again.  Not good.  My eating was okay today, though.  Two shakes, a bran bar, a bit of Steve's cookie and two squares of pizza.  Not very balanced, but about 975 calories (I don't have my iPhone here with the exact count).  I feel like my pants are a bit looser, but I went shopping with my sister-in-law today, and let's just say that the discrepancy in the size of clothing we were trying on (she was much smaller) was certainly a reminder that there is a long way to go.

I have a hugely busy day tomorrow with picking up the kids and all the driving that entails.  I really need to get a good sleep tonight.  I am having lunch with a friend, and need to be disciplined in my menu choices!!  I will cook a few hard-boiled eggs and take them with me so that I'm not tempted to indulge at Wendy's or wherever the kids want to stop for a snack.

I started my new multi-vitamin today from Shaklee.  I don't feel any different, but I think that's a good thing!!

Finally, Some Information

I had an interesting day today.  It started off with me feeling very sorry for myself in this heat.  I am so incapacitated by it that I can't even clean up around the house.  Yet, with the kids away at camp, I should be getting a lot done!  I'm not!  It is frustrating, and somewhat disappointing.  I was able to get quite a bit accomplished tonight after the temperature dropped, and that helped with my sense of productivity.

I had a meeting today with a friend of ours, Martha, who sells Shaklee.  I had asked her about something to help me with my sleeping issues, and she suggested we get together.  Wow.  So much information.  She agreed that I am probably perimenopausal, and figured that, based on my symptoms, my progesterone is low.  She's given me the name of a cream, which I have discovered is available on VitaCost, so I think I will place an order.  I'd been planning to put in an order anyway, so now I really will get to it.

Martha also asked if I am taking a multi-vitamin, which I am not.  Well, I am now....  She taught me the difference between synthetic, natural source and whole food vitamins.  I had no idea there were different kinds.  I felt quite encouraged after our time together, and have lots to think about.

My eating was great today.  One shake, an egg, a BBQ chicken wrap from Tim Horton's (190 calories) and an Asian Sesame Chicken Salad at Kelsey's.  I also caved and ate one of Steve's potato skins (156 calories), for a grand total of 968 calories.  That's if the salad at Kelsey's was really the 360 calories it says on the website.  How can I feel so full after 360 calories?  I requested the dressing on the side and didn't use it.

This is getting easier.  However, I forgot to set the alarm for this morning.  I can't believe the children are away and we haven't even made it to the Y.  Hopefully we will go tomorrow.... :)

 

Now, That's More Like It!

148.1 this morning.  Talk about inspiration to eat better for another day.  I did well with my food, despite the heat and my lack of desire to do anything at all.  I ate two small square pieces of pizza late in the afternoon, but that was supper, and I haven't had anything since except an oat bran bar on the way home from worship practice.  The rest of the day consisted of two SlimFast shakes, an egg and three rice cakes.  Total of 1043 calories.  No fruit or veggies today... Oops.

I went to another Pilates class on the reformer.  I love it!  We didn't make it to the Y this morning -- just too tired -- but I was happy to know my class was coming in the morning anyway.  We are going to give the Y another shot in the morning.  I am spending the day with a friend, and we are going out for supper, so keeping the food intake in line is going to be a challenge tomorrow.

In the meantime, off to bed.

It's a New Week

Well, there was no change on the scale this morning.  Still in the neighbourhood of 150.  I will do a proper weigh-in tomorrow (right time, no food beforehand, etc).

I decided that I really need to go hard core on the food situation.  We have SlimFast shake mix in the house, so I had one for breakfast, with almond milk and flax.  I also had one for lunch.  For supper I had two hard boiled eggs, and I ate a couple of organic rice cakes and about 1/3 banana in between.  So far, so good.  I fell a bit off the rails at a meeting tonight.  The host put plates of fruit pieces out, with water.  And then.  She brought.  The chips.  Grrr.  I was as restrained as possible, but I'm sure I wasn't as good as I think I was!  It got a bit worse from there, as Steve had bought boneless chicken wings, and I ate two, along with a homemade tortilla I got at the meeting.  Argh.  We will see what happens!

The plan is to go to the Y in the morning.  I'm hoping to do a bike ride and/or a run afterwards, but it will really depend on the temperature outside.  Tomorrow is supposed to be the hottest day we've had yet.

Before tomorrow, however, I need some sleep.  Here's hoping...

So Tired

I could not fall asleep last night.  I finally nodded off at 3:45am, and with the alarm set for 6:30am, obviously did not get much sleep.  I am fried.  Tomorrow, I need to start fresh with the whole exercise and food thing.  Right now, bed.

Still Surprised

I must say that every time I see myself in the mirror, I'm still shocked at how I look.  It's really beyond the weight.  It's the crazy spare tire I'm carrying around my middle.  I just can't believe the spread that happens at my waist.  It's horrible.  I was having a good day, really, and then I went shopping tonight.
I bought a skirt at a garage sale last Saturday, and I love it.  I thought I should find a shirt that was a little cooler than the short-sleeved sweater I wore with it last weekend.  At Walmart tonight, I tried on a shirt and (as it turned out) a short-sleeved sweater, with the skirt I brought with me.  Oh.  My.  Word.  I could not believe how bad I looked.  Even the skirt seemed bad.  Even what I wore to the store seemed bad!  Somehow, I can't believe the mirror was deceiving me.  I look bad.  Needless to say, I'm sticking with the sweater I already own, even though it's going to be a million degrees tomorrow, because at least last weekend I thought it looked good.  I just won't check the mirror in the morning.
I think I'm a little freaked out because we are going to our previous church tomorrow, and I will see people I haven't seen in about four months.  Those four months equal about ten pounds.  Scary.
At the same time, I am learning that I'm not alone.  I'm 'friends' on Facebook with a neighbour who I actually don't know at all.  She commented on a page (about working out) a few days ago, and she could have been writing my story.  She said:
"This post is perfect timing for me.  I've been working hard for the last two weeks on my exercising side of things.  I've always eaten very well, but for some reason, continued to pack on weight over the last few years.  So, I started jogging a couple times a week about a year ago ... and packed on 20 more unexplained pounds.  My doctor referred me to a dietician who is stumped because I have an excellent diet, yet the weight won't budge.  Anyway, now I'm being referred to an endocrinologist to see if something's up with my hormones, so we'll see.  But, aside from that, I decided to try and take it to another level to get my metabolism pumped up a bit.  I've been getting up for the last two weeks at 5am and doing runs about five times per week now, and added in some weight training, too.  I've either run 5k outdoors, or done a 20 min run on my treadmill, then 20 min of weight training.  I know it's only been two weeks, but the weight still hasn't budged -- not even a 1/4 pound.  I feel really good and definitely am feeling motivated (lying in bed at night thinking about what strength training I'll do the next day) but after my workout, when I go upstairs to shower, I see myself in the mirror ... still fat and not how I feel inside, and knowing that the scale has not budged one bit, nor are my clothes any looser, it's so deflating.  I know with time something has to give, but until then, it's hard to keep motivated."
Yup.  I couldn't have said it better myself.